some thoughts on art

during the day i work for a very well known artist. probably the best known artist in the world, in his field. i don't talk about it here because i like to keep my work world and my art world a bit separate. i think some of you know who i work for anyway. so during the day i am in the "fine art" world. i am surrounded my the work my boss creates, and the artwork he has collected. (which really runs the gamut from fine art to stuff he found in junk shops.) and although my role is very behind-the-scenes, i can't help being exposed to fine art dealers, collectors, magazines, books. etc.

well, meanwhile when i come home i am an outsider artist. i have taken classes and things but i did not go to art school -- heck, i was majoring in geology and never even finished that. sometimes i feel like i am making everything up as i go. right now my art is not in any galleries, but it used to be. little galleries. nothing big and fancy, nothing that advertised in art in america or anything like that. and my art did not sell very well, honestly. i might try galleries again -- i would LIKE to find a local coffee shop to show my acrylic paintings in -- but meanwhile i am doing better online. not that i am charging what i feel my art is worth, but i am doing better. and i can pay for my art supplies and a little extra but there has never been a time i could live on my art income -- though that would be w dream come true if i could.

so sometimes it is hard not to ever compare myself. to trivialize my own work. and it's all the easier to do since small works seem to be looked down on, as does watercolor. and the subject matters i like to paint are not generally what one sees in fine art, but maybe more in the art people just like to have around, i hope. but a lot of days i find myself wondering if my art is "real art." even though i have shown in galleries, won prizes, and had my work in lots of books and magazines.

and then there is the many facets that seem to be going on. part of me wants to go deep meaningful raw art, and part of me wants to do cute little bunnies in clothes like beatrix potter did. part of me wants to paint acrylic landscapes and the other part wants pen and ink. i used to be best known for beading, and i still bead a bit, but now i find myself more drawn to work on paper and canvas. maybe i need more focus -- though i do feel i have managed to create a personal style that transcends the various media i work in.

today one of my art crushes came to the studio. you know the artists whose work you just love so much you want to know them or be close to them or maybe be them. it's not a sexual or romantic thing, though. anyway i said hello and we chatted but i have never told him how much i love his work. i would be too embarrassed. i find it hard sometimes, to believe anyone could ever feel that way about my art.

but in spite of all those doubts i have sometimes, i know my life is not complete without my art. so it's a friday night, i am home alone, as usual, and i am going to go make some art.